Over the summer I read a book called The Resiliency Breakthrough, by Christian Moore. I heard him speak at a conference on trauma and resilience and his life story was truly inspiring. He came from a family where poverty and mental health issues caused him to turn to the streets for the things he was missing…love and support. He found himself in struggle after struggle, picking himself up and moving on in spite of those who said he couldn’t do it. In the book, he calls this “street resilience.” The book looks at this and three other types of resilience: relational, resource, and rock bottom. Each form of resilience is something that we each have in differing amounts. He talks about his weakest area being relational, as he had little to no family or friends as a young person. He improved his relational resilience with hard work and persistence to be one that he relies on often. It’s a wonderful book that can bring to light the importance of being resilient in the world today.
It reminds me of a story about a young person who died by suicide allegedly over the fact that he had been grounded from his electronic devices. I had so many questions after hearing this story. I wondered “had he suffered from diagnosed or undiagnosed mental health issues”. I considered “was there more hidden in his mind that no one knew”. My heart ached for the family, for the lost life, and for those who knew him. In my job, I want to assist in any possible way I can with situations like this.
So, I did some research and realized the one thing I could improve on as a counselor is helping students learn to be resilient. No one wants to see their child suffer, but by not allowing them to go through rough patches in the early years and start developing some ability to persevere will only make those moments of disappointment, loss, and rejection that much harder as they enter the teen years.
Yes, I know it’s easy to say as a counselor and hard to do as a parent. One of my own children came home the other day and told me that two boys, who he knew well, didn’t want to play with him at recess. I know the families and I considered calling and asking if they would talk to their sons, but then I realized that it wasn’t my place to smooth the road for him. Instead, I told him that he should keep trying to make friends with other children. Eventually, he will find friends who like him for who he is instead of because his mom meddled in his friendship issues. An article I read used the term “Zamboni parents” for those who smooth the way for their kids. Children need to build skills to deal with being told no, losing a sporting event, and ending relationships. Those things still happen to us as adults. Hopefully, along the road; we’ve developed some callouses and skills to deal with situations that cause hurt. I’m never going to be perfect at this, but I’m conscious of it now. I hope being aware makes it easier to stop myself when I want to control certain situations. This article can give some suggestions on things you might do if you find yourself smoothing the way for your children: http://www.parenting.com/parenting-advice/mom/are-you-zamboni-parent
It reminds me of a story about a young person who died by suicide allegedly over the fact that he had been grounded from his electronic devices. I had so many questions after hearing this story. I wondered “had he suffered from diagnosed or undiagnosed mental health issues”. I considered “was there more hidden in his mind that no one knew”. My heart ached for the family, for the lost life, and for those who knew him. In my job, I want to assist in any possible way I can with situations like this.
So, I did some research and realized the one thing I could improve on as a counselor is helping students learn to be resilient. No one wants to see their child suffer, but by not allowing them to go through rough patches in the early years and start developing some ability to persevere will only make those moments of disappointment, loss, and rejection that much harder as they enter the teen years.
Yes, I know it’s easy to say as a counselor and hard to do as a parent. One of my own children came home the other day and told me that two boys, who he knew well, didn’t want to play with him at recess. I know the families and I considered calling and asking if they would talk to their sons, but then I realized that it wasn’t my place to smooth the road for him. Instead, I told him that he should keep trying to make friends with other children. Eventually, he will find friends who like him for who he is instead of because his mom meddled in his friendship issues. An article I read used the term “Zamboni parents” for those who smooth the way for their kids. Children need to build skills to deal with being told no, losing a sporting event, and ending relationships. Those things still happen to us as adults. Hopefully, along the road; we’ve developed some callouses and skills to deal with situations that cause hurt. I’m never going to be perfect at this, but I’m conscious of it now. I hope being aware makes it easier to stop myself when I want to control certain situations. This article can give some suggestions on things you might do if you find yourself smoothing the way for your children: http://www.parenting.com/parenting-advice/mom/are-you-zamboni-parent